My path to awakening
My conscious path began the moment I realized I didn’t really know much about myself. Besides the biographical data, of course. I needed some kind of foothold, and I decided to simply stop lying, especially to myself. After the initial shock, it became noticeable that the world around me started to straighten out. And most importantly — I started to straighten out too.
The policy of truth allowed me to experimentally establish that I’m not the one in charge of this body. Something had to be done about it, and I started studying psychology. I learned a lot about the hidden springs and mechanisms of consciousness, the architecture of the psyche, and the causes of behavior. It helped tremendously to air out and fix the attic. Everything turned out to be fixable — the body and mind respond to training and taming. Along with them, life itself became trained and tamed.
When I felt confident in my own consciousness, a good dose of mushrooms found me. The very first trip cracked open my head and presented its contents in an accessible form. The experience demanded explanations. That’s how I discovered Buddhist psychology. Turns out everything has already been written before us. Buddhism turned out to be simple and clear, and I appreciated with new force that I live in Thailand, a global stronghold of Buddhism. The information is protected from the layperson by a hypno-veil. Until you understand what it’s about — it all seems like esoteric nonsense.
The Bhagavad Gita and ancient texts described trips with such precision that it was clear — I was on the right path. And there’s something more beyond. At some point I managed to see what the ancient texts were hinting at. I’m simply watching this movie about myself. To test what would happen if I stopped interfering, I simply stopped controlling anything at all. The result was Mexico, Thailand, Turkey, freediving, raves, yoga, meditation, retreat…
Yes, meditation. Practicing unsystematically, I couldn’t understand — what’s the point of meditation, am I doing it right, what’s supposed to happen? Until I went through a recorded online retreat. After a series of meditations, I suddenly found myself in what Pelevin called “the conditional river of absolute love. Abbreviated — the Ural.” I thought it was just a beautiful metaphor. And that’s how I understood that all the happiness in the world is inside each of us — there is no happiness outside.
Meditation turned out to be the key to a door that opens from the inside. The recipe is simple — meditate every day, at least morning and evening. For a breakthrough — during the day too. After a week of constant meditations, I was already meditating while walking. And an experience simulating near death experience triggered a spontaneous awakening. I managed to see that I and the world around me are one and the same. I had to search for explanations for this phenomenon, which I kept encountering references to everywhere. That’s when Advaita Vedanta started to make sense. Its essence — overcoming this illusion of separation.
Advaita states plainly — the world is you. Or you are the world. You can say it all as it is, but understanding is impossible. That’s why hints were left behind. The road is mastered by those who walk it.