In ancient China, a Zen master was known for simple but enlightening demonstrations. One day a student came and asked him to explain the nature of the mind and the path to enlightenment.

The master smiled and gestured for him to sit. He began pouring tea. The cup filled, but the master kept pouring. Tea spilled onto the table and the floor.

The student exclaimed, “Master, the cup is full! It can’t hold any more!”

The master looked up: “Like this teacup, you are full of your own opinions. How can you learn anything new unless you first empty your cup?”

Deconditioning

Your mind is full. Full of opinions, ideas, beliefs you picked up along the way. To get anything new in, you have to unlearn some of what you’ve been conditioned to believe.

Same as the teacup — empty it first. Let go of preconceptions and fixed ideas. Adopt a beginner’s mind.

We are not our body

No one can tell what their soul looks like. We can’t see inside ourselves. The body is like a space suit — you’re always connected to your Earth-suit. Think “Pacific Rim.” A temporary home. The soul rents this body for the duration.

We are not ourselves

Being human means absorbing culture from other humans. We learn, adapt, internalize the norms around us. Our minds constantly process and organize a model of the world.

Humans can’t exist in isolation. Children raised by wolves becoming human — just tales. Real-life Mowglis can’t speak or grasp language. Being human happens in stages. Miss the key window and walking or speaking become impossible. 100% human body, but never truly human.

Being human means constantly becoming. But not becoming yourself.

We absorb everything from other people

A child’s brain starts sucking in information like a vacuum the moment it arrives. Just by watching and hearing people, the child starts talking.

A newborn’s mind is an empty cup. It absorbs everything around it. We start imitating. We pick up not just rituals but biases, norms, and stories. We become the people we are surrounded by.

Their myths define your roles

Stories shape cultures. The Hero’s journey, the Damsel in distress, the Wise mentor — these archetypes provide a framework for how we see ourselves.

The danger: when you let external narratives define you, you become a character in someone else’s script.

Think about the stories handed down to you. Do they fit? Or are they borrowed clothes? Not all storytellers live the lives they describe.

Stop people from defining you. Watch what information you take in and where it comes from. Drop the narratives that don’t serve you. Write your own.

Their vocabulary describes your world

We can’t see what we can’t name. The words you use shape the boundaries of your thoughts. They filter what gets in and what stays out.

Words aren’t just labels. They carry culture, encode beliefs. Your vocabulary connects you to a shared web of knowledge — or limits you to a narrow slice of it.

The words you use become the world you live in. Filter your vocabulary. Pay attention to the descriptions you and people around you use.

Their beliefs become your religion

Religion, from Latin religare ‘to bind’ is a unified field of belief. It doesn’t have to involve a church or god. It’s a set of beliefs you hold on to.

The funny part: whatever you’re used to believing, you’ll find evidence for it. Then all superficial evidence goes to support your existing beliefs.

It’s even more ridiculous with superstitions. You can’t really prove them wrong. Because they are not based on logic:

Black cats bring bad luck, unless you own one, apparently. Number 4 in China sounds like “death”, so they skip the fourth floor. That is similar to the number 13 in the West. Whistling indoors in Russia will cause financial difficulties. Broken mirrors, spilled salt, and walking under a ladder are all bad luck.

Growing up we start imitating the rituals, knocking on wood to ward off evil spirits. These rituals become something we believe in. Our religion. All based on the fear of the unknown.

Your mind makes it real.

Morpheus

It is not real

Our minds are full of cognitive biases — mental shortcuts that lead to irrational judgments. They helped us survive. Now they make us misread reality.

Start unlearning. Trim the tree of beliefs. Start with the ones holding you back, whispering in your ear. Most are just imagination — not real and never were. Disown them. Not easy. You lived with them your whole life. They won’t leave quietly. Just refuse to believe. They’ll wither like plants without water.

Negative thoughts are like cacti, they hold the fuel inside, so the process might take some time. Identify what is not serving you and don’t think it. Don’t feed it. Don’t water it. Don’t give it any attention. And it will die. Now clear the ground.

---

The Reading List