Games People Play
The Psychology of Human Relationships
Much of what passes for relationship is a set of repeating, ulterior transactions with a hidden payoff — games we run on autopilot. See the game, and you get the choice to stop playing and meet people for real.
Eric Berne, a psychiatrist, published this book in 1964 as the popular introduction to his theory of Transactional Analysis. He catalogs dozens of recurring social “games” — patterns like “Why Don’t You—Yes But” or “If It Weren’t For You” — showing how people unconsciously trade hidden payoffs (attention, blame, an excuse to stay stuck) instead of communicating directly.
A few lines worth keeping:
Every game, on the other hand, is basically dishonest, and the outcome has a dramatic, as distinct from merely exciting, quality.
Games are clearly differentiated from procedures, rituals, and pastimes by two chief characteristics: their ulterior quality and the payoff.
Appears in think → forward