Couple
The best relationship is a friendship in which you wish the other person well just because, without jealousy. Falling in love is a flash of happiness, a hormonal anomaly. Love is friendship and joy, a long, slow burn.
The first thing is talking: talk, talk, and then talk some more. Almost everything that breaks between two people breaks over something neither of them said. We started by talking through everything that came before, the whole backlog, out loud.
Anya and I keep working through moments as they come up. We started by talking out everything that happened before.
The second is the love languages. People give and receive love in different currencies. Find out which one your partner actually feels, and pay in that one.
The third is staying yourself and not dissolving into the couple: the two of you stay interesting to each other as long as each stays a whole person.
And the fourth is desire. Love rests on conversation, a shared life and habit, and also on touch, on wanting to be close, on feeling wanted. When someone loves you, they want you freely, because they’re drawn to you in particular. So read desire honestly: it shows where your connection stands right now.
Sex isn’t everything, but it’s a real measure of interest, attraction, and chemistry. Love is also expressed through touch and wanting to be close.
It’s a pleasant job, and still a job. You keep showing up, keep sorting out what’s going on with you, and keep choosing each other.
It’s probably called “working on the relationship,” but I don’t think of it as work. You just have to keep figuring out what’s going on with you.