Fix yourself first. The flight crew says it before every takeoff: put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Two drowning people are no better than one.

In the universe of your mind, there is no one else. Neglect your own needs, and sooner or later you burn out.

You are your responsibility

You are not your fault. You are your responsibility. You didn’t choose every circumstance of your life, but you do choose how you answer them. Your past may explain who you are; it can’t excuse you.

So own your decisions, your actions and what comes of them. And help yourself first.

Order before happiness

Order comes before happiness. A cluttered room makes a cluttered mind. Sort out your things, put your space in order, and your head clears noticeably.

Peterson writes about this in 12 Rules for Life. When everything is in its place, you can stop thinking about stuff and turn to what matters.

Be the adult you needed as a child

Treat yourself with love. Give yourself the care and support you were missing when you were growing up.

Set your life in perfect order

Before you criticize the world, set your own house in order. Start small: clear the junk off your desk. Once your own corner is sorted, move on to the household, then to the rest of your life. As you start helping the people in your care, you’ll see more clearly why things are the way they are.

Spoiler: because they can’t be any other way. Things are exactly as they are. Maybe the world isn’t so bad after all, and doesn’t need fixing.

And that order becomes a solid foundation for the next step.

One step at a time, with one foot in order

Peterson’s advice is to stand with one foot in order and the other in chaos. With firm ground under one foot, the chaos of life brings only new possibilities. Taleb calls this antifragility: the wind of change bends you, and you spring back, because your life is in order.

Zen teaches the same. Take steps, however small. Take care of today and don’t fret about tomorrow. Whatever is going on can be improved: instead of thinking how it could be better, go and change it. And learn to drop things halfway without blaming yourself. Not everything you start has to be finished.

No expectations

Stress comes when expectations part ways with reality, and they always do. Let the expectations go, and let things take their course. When you expect nothing, reality turns out better every time, and you stay pleasantly surprised.

Stop expecting, and you stop resisting. That’s how you accept life as it is: no expectations, no disappointment, and so no suffering.

Consistent good mood

And most important of all: a consistently good mood. People hide who they are, put up with restrictions and stay in bad relationships for years because they’re afraid. Fear raises stress, stress brings dark thoughts, the thoughts bring more stress, and the circle closes.

A good mood is normal. Somehow being offended by one thing or another has become the norm instead. That’s a lie. Break the circle: find the people who understand and value you. A good mood is the runway we take off from. But first, admit there’s a problem.

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