Hard knock life

There’s a common story that life is one endless act of overcoming. Peterson says it outright: life is suffering. We could argue about the word. The Buddha used “suffering” for a whole range of experiences that leave us unsatisfied. Call them problems instead: life is full of problems. Better?

Whatever you call it, nobody wants to suffer. So why are we so good at it? Can’t we just stop? I believe we can. Problems, dark thoughts and suffering are always somewhere close, and true, lasting happiness is simply their absence. Ask anyone whether they’d like their problems and worries gone, and you’ll hear a resounding yes.

So happiness is defined by subtraction: it’s what remains once you take away what you don’t want. It’s a byproduct of freedom, freedom from the vicious circle. And that freedom is itself a byproduct of awareness. Once you see that everything exists in your perception, you can break out of the circle. Thinking forward is the path to that freedom: from the shackles of your own mind, from the limits you set yourself, from the self. A calm, joyful life follows on its own.

But before we get to thinking forward, let me explain what I call thinking backward. When you say something, mean it. Yet we keep leaving ourselves an escape hatch, contradicting what we said a moment ago:

— It’s nice, but it could be better.

No, it couldn’t. Everything around you is the result of everyone doing what they could. If you see room for improvement, make it yourself and make the world better. Your opinion isn’t needed. Everything after the comma is extra and helps no one: the other person starts justifying themselves, and the conversation drifts off god knows where.

The cure is speaking directly. Stop leaving escape hatches, stop hitting the brakes and shifting into reverse. Drop the “buts” and “howevers”: they’re anchors that drag you back. Don’t be afraid. To do it, you’ll have to watch your thoughts and feelings and keep an eye on what’s going on in your head. Notice you’re about to add a “but,” and stop.

There are countless jokes about missing what’s right in front of us. They’re funny because they’re true: we get so tangled in thoughts that we miss what’s happening. The mind is wired into the body, and whatever we think we want, we’re never fully in control of it.

If you feel your life is going the wrong way, start by clearing the water of the mind you swim in. Pay attention only to what’s interesting, meaningful and moves you forward. In Buddhism a teacher can only point the way; walking it is up to you. Change comes from your own actions, and everyone walks the last mile alone.

Let’s start with what usually goes wrong in life. First, you’ll have to unlearn.