I have a model I like to share, and not everyone gets it. Drumroll: the ideal relationship is friendship. Wait, don’t laugh.

Friendship = Love. And love is a verb.

Love is active care for the one you love. It’s something you do, every day and on purpose. The best partner is your best friend, and you build that the way you build any friendship: by always being there.

The stages of love

If love is a verb, it has stages, and you can watch them unfold.

First, stop. Karma isn’t a sentence handed down from above; karma means doing. So do: stop the cycle. Stop feeling guilty, stop blaming others, stop hunting for flaws.

Stop doing what you know you shouldn’t be doing. Start stopping now.

Then heal yourself. Meditate. Look at what you feel and where the thoughts and feelings come from. Research, seek: it’s not what it seems.

Then refuse to suffer. And whatever you’ve been given, pass it on.

Even with friendship at the base, a couple needs tuning. Here’s what helps.

The Reading List