Couple

Once the friendship is the base, a pair still needs running. Here’s what actually makes it work.

Talk, talk, talk… and then talk some more. Most of what goes wrong between two people is something neither of them said. We started by talking through everything that came before — clearing the whole backlog out loud.

Anya and I keep working through moments as they come up. We started by talking out everything that happened before.

Know the love languages. People give and receive love in different currencies. Learn which one your partner actually feels, and pay in that one.

Be about yourself, too. Don’t dissolve into the pair. The two of you stay interesting as long as each of you stays a whole person.

It’s a fun job — but it’s still a job. You keep showing up, keep sorting out what’s going on with you, keep choosing it.

It’s probably called “working on the relationship,” but I don’t think of it as work. You just have to keep figuring out what’s going on with you.

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